


Dear Jo

by Septimore



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, mentions of abuse, mentions of child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-30 20:44:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10171589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Septimore/pseuds/Septimore





	

I'm not a good person baby girl. I drink too much. I work too much. I push away people who are trying to help. My pride gets me in heaps of trouble. My temper does to.  
I hit her. Your mama. You were at a sleepover and we were arguing and I just got off a long shift. I don't remember what it was about. How I was never home, or how the garbage can in the garage was overflowing with empty bottles, or maybe I forgot to do the dishes again. It doesn't matter. We were always arguing. Never yelling around you though. We kept it hushed around you, but I'm sure you noticed anyway.  
We were yelling that night. I picked up a plate and threw it across the room. Your mama didn't back down, she was too used to me breaking things by now. She said something back at me, I don't remember what, but I remember the sound of the slap. I remember the silent shock from both of us.  
I tried to apologize. I didn't mean it. Of course I didn't mean it. I loved her, how could I mean it?  
But it happened. I couldn't take it back.  
I left the house that night. Wound up drunk in some hotel. I went to work the next day like everything was the way it was before. Before that night. But I kept going back to the hotel.  
I filed for the divorce. She said no, that we could work things out, that she could be better. I couldn't do that to her. I loved her too much. I still love her.  
How long would it be before I hit you too? How long before you did like your mom and thought it was okay?  
I gave her everything I owned. I let her have full custody of you. And I ran. I ran as far from you two as I could. I had to protect you two from me. I ran to space where people die alone, where the terrifying unknown is, where no one knew what a bad person I was.  
I found Jim there. Jim, whose step dad didn't leave. Where Jim thought it was okay and I knew, I just knew that I had made the right decision.  
I fixed Jim. Helped him understand that things like that aren't okay. He doesn't know about what I did. He doesn't know your mama wasn't the first person I hit. I thought I could control myself if I loved someone. But bad people don't love hard enough to stop doing bad things.  
I do good things too. I save people's lives. I keep people from getting hurt when I can. And if I see someone getting hurt because they're like your mother, wanting to stay with bad people, I convince them to leave. Not always, but mostly they do.  
People look up to me. People say that I'm such a good, caring, kind man, and that even grouchy I'm the only doctor they wanna see.  
But they don't know why your mama and I aren't together. They don't know the struggle I face whenever she calls to apologize and to please come home. I almost did, sometimes. I almost came home to you two. Then I see Jim again and see who he used to be, and who I could have made you into and I run further. I drink more. I break more things.  
Then I sober up and clean up and I go to work. And I be good. Or at least I pretend to.  
I miss you baby girl. I miss you so much. I love your letters. I love that your mama only tells you the good stories about me. I miss her too.  
Its to bad you don't understand. That you can't understand. I won't let you.  
...  
Computer, delete message.


End file.
